he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i came on her dog
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
