he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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