We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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