Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize