I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
