the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
