the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
