I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
