Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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