I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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