GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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