KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
