How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
