I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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