It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
