mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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