I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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