i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
