He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
