Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize