Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
