it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
