I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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