so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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