Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
