I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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