I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I think my vagina is haunted
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
