I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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