just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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