I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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