Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
