So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
