What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
