i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Vodka?
Forever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
