part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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