If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
