a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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