Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
