Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
