Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
