I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
