he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
