Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
