the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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