did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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