I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you still have your period?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
