This is not my ceiling
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize