none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
