you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
