On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Randomize
