So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The feeling are messing with the penis
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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