I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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