i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
