My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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