i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
