It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
