Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
