So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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