i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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