Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
