She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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