May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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