They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So here I am, sexting at work.
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