I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
