just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
