Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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