so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
