hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
