I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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