your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
