Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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