I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
