Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
