So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
